Tuesday, 3pm
It always amuses me to no end whenever someone says "you should read/listen to/watch/go to book/song/movie/place. You'll love it!" It always amuses me, because 9 times out of 10 the person is dead wrong. Like recently, when a friend gave me a CD of Mexican rap music. I fucking hate Mexican rap music. Not sure why the people close to me are so often misguided about my tastes, but it happens quite a bit.
Surprisingly enough, I've had 2 friends recently recommend the same book to me, Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, with them describing it the same way, "you're going to LOVE it! It's SO YOU! I could imagine you writing it!" And you know what? It's a damn fine read.
The last 18 months of my life seems to have progressed rather cyclically. I oscillate between being so happy and joyous about my life and wondering where I've gone wrong and why everyone else is doing so much better than I am. I guess I'm truly caught in the middle of that, half of me really being grateful for everything and have of me wanting more, better, bolder etc. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs reminds me of that. Reading it, I love it and it reminds me of my writing. So why aren't I doing that? Why am I not pursuing that. Well...for a lot of reasons I guess. It's a hard crevice to be in - stuck between the rocks of accomplishment and goals. Life looks good until you start looking at everything else you want to do, can do, need to do, have to do, will do. Will be.
This is not to say I'm not happy for others - I am. I never understand when people treat life as a zero-sum game. We can all be winners and we can all be losers. But my score really isn't effected by, nor does it effect, yours. I'm very happy for those around me, those who I know and those who I read about, doing well. I just wish that I had more control to do more in my own life.
Am I just denying my own potential to alter the course of my life? Probably yes and no. It's one of those really hard things to track. All I know is it's sort of a weird place to be in right now. In terms of fractions, I think I'm at, like, 3/5 of life right now. It just depresses me some times when I start to wonder if I'll ever be a whole number.
Surprisingly enough, I've had 2 friends recently recommend the same book to me, Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, with them describing it the same way, "you're going to LOVE it! It's SO YOU! I could imagine you writing it!" And you know what? It's a damn fine read.
The last 18 months of my life seems to have progressed rather cyclically. I oscillate between being so happy and joyous about my life and wondering where I've gone wrong and why everyone else is doing so much better than I am. I guess I'm truly caught in the middle of that, half of me really being grateful for everything and have of me wanting more, better, bolder etc. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs reminds me of that. Reading it, I love it and it reminds me of my writing. So why aren't I doing that? Why am I not pursuing that. Well...for a lot of reasons I guess. It's a hard crevice to be in - stuck between the rocks of accomplishment and goals. Life looks good until you start looking at everything else you want to do, can do, need to do, have to do, will do. Will be.
This is not to say I'm not happy for others - I am. I never understand when people treat life as a zero-sum game. We can all be winners and we can all be losers. But my score really isn't effected by, nor does it effect, yours. I'm very happy for those around me, those who I know and those who I read about, doing well. I just wish that I had more control to do more in my own life.
Am I just denying my own potential to alter the course of my life? Probably yes and no. It's one of those really hard things to track. All I know is it's sort of a weird place to be in right now. In terms of fractions, I think I'm at, like, 3/5 of life right now. It just depresses me some times when I start to wonder if I'll ever be a whole number.
posted by La Doña at 2:58 PM
1 Comments:
Hmm... sorry about the Mexican rap. I figured it close enough to Lo-Fi Allstars that it was worth a shot.
It's always a good feeling to share music with somebody and have them say "thanks so much, I love it." But it's even better when they say "what is this shit?" Keeps one from becoming pretentious. ;-)
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