Angry Diatribe Ahoy

I don't really understand guys. Now, I know what most of you are thinking: you don't understand guys, because you're a girl. While that may be true, I still don't fucking understand guys.

Here's my problem: guys are fucking retarded. Well, the vast majority are. Maybe it has something to do with sunspots, but lately almost all of my female friends have been complaining about the man in their life. And you know what, most all of the complaints boil down to the same things: said male is fucking retarded.

Example 1: Friend's boyfriends plans a surprise birthday party for friend. Sweet, right? Well, yes, except he somehow forgot to invite ALL of her friends and ONLY invited his friends so it was pretty much a party for him.

Example 2: Friend's boyfriend oversleeps often. Every time he oversleeps he gets upset at girlfriend because she "is in charge of the alarm clock."

Example 3: Friend continually asks boyfriend to make the bed if he gets up after her. Every day she has to remind him because he never does it.

Example 4: For some reason, despite being grown men who live on their own and in some cases even have children, the guys I work with (and they're all guys) can't wash a fucking dish to save their fucking lives.

So, I don't get it. Guys who are totally capable and competent human beings, no matter how old they get, still act like fucking 4 year olds suckling on their mother's teat. (And let me tell you what a huge motherfucking turnoff that is.) So what's up with guys - why don't they get it?

Now, I know that I am unfairly grouping some of the (very, very, very few) good guys in with the huge mass of retarded ones. I have one friend who's boyfriend cooks her dinner every night. I have a guy friend who almost innately knows when I'm upset and does what he can to remedy the situation. I have another guy friend that is the biggest gentleman on the planet. But here's what I secretly suspect: save the boyfriend who cooks his girlfriend dinner every night, I swear to god even the good guys I know probably turn retarded once they get regular pussy.

Is that the problem, Guys? Have you been fucked stupid? Would you get your shit together if the punani was cut off?

So, here's the deal. This is what I propose to the women of the world: stop putting up with this shit. You know your man is capable. You know your man is competent. And you know you shouldn't be putting up with his punk ass. So stop. Now, maybe your man isn't capable or competent. Well, then that one is even easier - dump his ass and don't date till you find somebody worthy, with their shit together. Here's the thing - we're not their mothers. 'Cause momma don't screw like that. And if your man is interested in dating his momma, well it's best to end it now anyway.

And to you guys - and it's mainly guys who are reading this diatribe, because I have almost all male friends - for the love of god, get your shit together. You are capable, you are competent and, in my opinion at least, you're just being lazy, irresponsible and (to call a spade a spade) you are fucking using us ladies. So listen wisely, boys, 'cause you never know when your shit is going to be packed and kicked to the curb.

And, please, don't get me wrong here, yes this is partially about Dan (he's a guy.) But, really, this is a general complaint against men - cause the overwhelmingly huge majority of y'all are fucking retarded and I'm really sick to death of putting up with it.