What A Long, Strange Weekend It's Been...

4 day weekends are just about the best thing on earth. Well, 4 days weekends or being a trust fund brat who doesn't have to work at all. Unfortunately, that's not something you can choose to be at 22. In any case, thank god for 4 days away from work. So good!

I started off Friday by going to my second interview at the non-profit. I don't think it went all that well. It's not that I necessarily fucked it up, but I know I wasn't on top of my game and it's just unfortunate that I had an off day when it really mattered. In any case, I ended up hanging out with Melissa, Jamie's girlfriend, on Friday night. I know, I know, can you believe she's still talking to me? We went to Diva's which was as amusing as it always is. We ended up meeting Tia who is Ms. Gay San Francisco or Ms. Drag San Francisco or some shit and was also the headliner of the evening. She then invited herself along to pizza with us and Jamie, who had gotten off work at that point and had met up with us. After pizza she absolutely insisted we go back to Diva's with her to see her show. And she may be Ms. I Don't Give A Fuck San Francisco, but she is also one scary ass bitch. So, with no other recourse, we went back to Diva's. Where she proceeded to scam drinks off of us. And wouldn't let us leave. Her and her posse of drags made sure we were front and center for shout outs and threats anytime we tried to leave. Finally, we couldn't deal anymore and we booked it.

I woke up Saturday sick as a dog, which I couldn't figure out for awhile because I had only had a couple of drinks the night before. But then I remembered Diva's drink math (where every drink has about 3-4 shots in it) and the hangover started to make since. Jacqui came up for the weekend (yay!) and was supposed to be in town earlyish. Rene and I made plans to do Carnavale with her around 1 and then get in some good ole fashioned Mission thrift store shopping in. That clearly didn't happen, but we did get our shit together by 4 to at least do the shopping part - and I got my birthday outfit! That night we hung out at Rene's house and then went to a bar down the street from her place, Terry's Lounge. Despite Rene living there for three years or something, it was the first time we had ever gone. Pretty cool place: free pool, cheap drinks, generous bartender and $8 steaks on Mondays!

Sunday I had to wake up way too early (grrrrr) but I understand the necessity for it. I meant to go home and do errandy things, but I ended up taking a 4 hour nap instead. I finally got my ass up and washed laundry. Went to Chas' graduation party. Started in on the tequila. The story pretty much tells itself from there. However, Rene certainly takes the cake. Damn gina, here's a tip: beer + wine + whiskey + tequila + bailey's makes you one drunk fuck.

Monday I woke up, went to the interview with the porn company, swung by home to change and grab TJ. We went to the park where Rene and I were allegedly throwing a BBQ around 3ish. Which became 4ish. But nobody got there until around 5. At which point we realized we didn't have most of the shit we needed, so we went to the store. And then Court kidnapped me to pick up Hashish (the guy, not the drug.) We got back to the park around 7ish and, go figure, half the crew had taken off. We moved the BBQ to Rene's place which was a) warm and b) has a bigger BBQ. Food, drinks and hyjinks ensued. I took off around 11 and promptly passed the fuck out with the best sleep I've had in about a week.

So, to summarize, I've been drunk for almost a month straight now...I keep thinking that it's going to taper off but then something else comes up. C'est la vie...what's my liver ever done for me anyway?

In Other News...

TJ has turned completely motherfucking psycho. First she destroyed her teddy bear (I mean, sure, she's always hated it. But never in such a violent way.) Then she's generally been being bratty lately. But last night was the straw that broke the psycho Jack Russell's back.

Rene and I were at the liquor store picking up some liquor, naturally. TJ was her usual self, tied up outside, sometimes barking sometimes not. Cliff gave her a pepperoni stick and some beef jerky, so she was even being pampered! Then this other dog, a big motherfucking Shar Pei came over. I untied TJ and BAM she tried to attack the other dog! I mean, teeth bared and totally out for blood! She lunged for it and the other dog lunged for her, I grabbed TJ and held her in the air while Cliff grabbed the Shar Pei - they were still gunning for one another!

What the fuck? What happened to my 13-lb pussy-ass angel? Rene says she's in heat and that's what's wrong with her. She just needs some deep dicking. I don't know - but if she stays all crazy and destructive like this she's headed straight back to the pound! (Just kidding - but you already knew that)

Porn Watch 2005

Had the interview with the porn company last night and I think it went really well. We spent most of the interview joking around, so that has to be a good sign. And I did well enough to get myself a second interview, so happy thoughts, right!

I know it's fucking hilarious, but I really want this job. No, not just because of all the free porn (althought that would be a nice benefit,) but it actually sounds like a kick-ass job. I would be the admin/office manager/marketing assistant to begin with. After I had learned the ins and outs of the work (haha, pun totally intended) I would get to decide which of the three jobs I wanted and they would get new people to do the other two. I would get to start work at 10. I would get to come on business trips. I would get to go to porn conventions. I would be paid bank. If boss man is not in the office, I wouldn't have to be in the office. They're totally chill (read: jeans, flip flops and nose ring).

Damn, gina....this may be the holy grail of employment. I hope, I hope, I hope I get this job. Least of all because I could write in the consulting summary "I will be leaving here to pursue a career in the adult film industry" and that would be motherfucking priceless!

Wish me luck, biches!

Seriously, What's Wrong With Me?

OK, I know I haven't really been feeling great lately...but I realized this morning something is seriously wrong with me.

Symptom 1: I've been rocking Good News For People Who Like Bad News like it's going out of style. And I'm really, really digging it.

Symptom 2: I really, really like The Game. In fact, I'm considering purchasing The Documentary and we all know I never actually buy music. Well, in all honesty, I wouldn't be considering purchasing it if I knew anyone who owned it. But I don't.

So you see, something is terribly wrong with me. Or at least my musical tastes. Modest Mouse? The Game? The fuck? It's like I've lost all concept of what is sonically pleasurable and I've been reduced to the equivalent of musical cheese-whiz. I can no longer keep this as my secret shame. I'm hoping that by exposing my problem to the public somebody will be able to help me regain my musical tastes...or at least get me into some sort of LP Promises or something. Harmonic Hazeldon? Well, at least my wit is still dead on.

So, Is This Going To Be Like a Bad Porn?

Oh my god! I have an interview at a porn company! Which is about the funniest damn thing ever. Wait a second, the fact that I'm so fucking thrilled about having an interview at a porn company is the funniest thing ever. Wait, wait...you have to picture it.:

Setting: a party, everyone is mingling and getting to know each other.

Stranger: Hello, my name is John Doe, it's nice to meet you.
Me: Hello, John Doe, nice to meet you. So, what do you do?
Stranger: I work in insurance. What do you do?
Me: I work in the porn industry...but don't think I'm a porn star!

F U C K I N G H I L A R I O U S!

And can you imagine the business cards! I hope they have, like, the girly truckflap image on them! That would be the best! I just wonder what the fuck the interview will be like, you know? I mean, after all, we've all seen "interview" porns. Hahahaha this is so fucking funny!

Interview tomorrow - stay tuned!

Mommie Dearest

My mother came to town, rounding out the 2005 Visit San Francisco Tour. I had a lot better time with momma then I thought I would. On Saturday we spent the day shopping: farmer's market, ferry plaza, union square. Took the girls out to dinner. Sunday we went to the cliffhouse, the beach, the park, and then hung out with Lil TJ. It was lots of fun and we got along very well the whole time. Too bad momma had to go so soon, but I guess a short and sweet trip is a better deal than a long and (ma)lingering one.

Best part of the visit: free shit. Tons of food + presents. Gotta love it!

Worst part: best behavior

Funniest part: When momma and I were at the ferry plaza shops, this guy walks up to me RIGHT IN FRONT OF MOMMA and says "you look familiar...have we hooked up?" (Answer: not to the best of my knowledge.) Jesse - what's the underwater sign for "awkward" again?

Lyric of the Day

She's a butterfly in mid July/
Who just can't wait to try her brand new wings/
On brand new things/
And she needs no rhyme or reason, when she goes/
Her mind is on what lies beyond that wall of blue horizon/
I suppose/
And heaven knows/
She'll go sailin' off on any old wind that blows

-Johnny Cash/Any Old Wind That Blows

Mad World

I'm having one of those mentally-swirly kinds of days. This past month has been so crazy and I feel like I've done a really good job of distracting myself from a multitude of things so I don't freak out about them. The only problem with that is I'm not really dealing with the problems, so they're still around and after avoiding them for a month I feel like it's time to face up to them. But then there's that mentally-swirly problem of having to process a bunch of deep shit at once.

Hardcore, man.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling. I just have this urge to runaway from everything and everyone so I don't have to deal. Yeah, I know that's not really a possibility. I just feel like hibernating or something. I keep hoping that time will heal things and that things will sort themselves out. But, I guess like the late, great Andy Warhol once said, "they say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."

Sister Act Part Two: Back in the Habit

Have you ever woken up after a late night of partying and thought back about the evening, but you only have flashes of the night? And you put the story together and check in with your friends and it's sort of like one of those Homer Simpson flashbacks, where you remember yourself daintilly drinking tea and playing croquet but really the Apocalypse went down. Because of you. That's sort of how I feel about Monday night.

It's all quite hazy, I only remember bits and peices of what happened. I remember a lovely sushi dinner, I remember drinking in a very red bar and I remember smoking outside with Jamie. A fine and dandy evening, right? Well, allegedly, that's not exactly how shit went down. Keep in mind that Jamie, Kate and I began drinking a fifth of whiskey at, like, 2 in the afternoon. We went back to Jamie's house around 6 where we drank another fifth. We went to sushi at Jamie's favorite neighborhood joint where we were thrown out for being so obnoxiously loud and drunk. Oh and Jamie may or may not have puked there, no one is very clear on that detail (but if you hazily remember it happening...it probably did.) We then went over to the Red Room where Jamie insisted on us getting a booth and drinking champagne. We hung out there until we were so obnoxiously loud and drunk we were cut off and thrown out. And Kate kept smoking inside. And I may have puked. Then, as the story goes, Jamie's girlfriend put Kate and I in a cab and sent us merrily on our way.

Damn.

Keep in mind though, this is all alleged. If you don't remember it happening, it didn't. That's the rule, right?

Sister Act

So, my sister is in town and things are awesome. Honestly, I've mainly just been drunk the whole time. Kate came in on Saturday, we promptly got drunk, went to dinner and then went out with my friends for drinks. Sunday, we woke up early, went to Bay to Breakers (well, like, three blocks of it,) went to Magnolia for breakfast (and they've changed the menu - assholes!) and then went back to my apartment for serious drinking. Mind you, this is 11am. Kate and I managed to get trashed by around 1pm. We took a nap, passed out. Woke up, got drunk again, went to bed around 10. We're losers, but we're happy drunk losers. Monday, we woke up and hung out for awhile. Jamie, one of my oldest and dearest friends, has just moved to town, so we met up with him. We went to the beach, walked through almost the whole park and drank a bottle of Jameson. We're back at Jamie's place now, drinking more and, checking the local forecast...it looks like a storm of alcohol with some heavy smoke clouds rolling in. As we do....

Well, Fuck You Too!

I had a pleasant little surprise when I went to check my email this morning - my account had been hacked by some asshole. At first I assumed it was just a hotmail issue, them not recognizing my password or something. But after having several friends log in just fine to theirs (and after I had tried 20-30 times,) I realized something must be afoot. I went to the reset password page where I learned that my personal log-in info had been altered and my secret question had been changed to "fuck you." Which is about when I started to suspect my account had been hacked.

I guess the real questions are who the fuck did it and why? I have a feeling it was one of my bored friends, but still...why? So lame. And I bet you anything the limpdicks at hotmail aren't going to do a damn thing about it.

Happy Thursday, once again.

Job Watch 2005

Days since being fired: 13
Jobs applied to: 89
Interviews offers: 1
Job offers: 0
Terror level: yellow

Greatest Compliment Ever

"You've lost weight...you're on drugs, aren't you?"

Laurel, thanks for always keeping it real.

Yes Sir, May I Have Another?

Steph kindly hooked me up with a pass to the SFIFF closing party last night at Suede. The party was ridiculously fun and contained the three elements bound to make any shindig a hit:

1) open bar
2) free gourmet food
3) tons of schwag

So we drank and ate and grabbed and then drank a little more and topped off the evening by drinking a lot. I ran into Megan, which was funny, and Melinda, which was awkward. I was cornered by the oldest drag queens in the world. I saw money buy love between the 90 year old jewelry sponsor and a 21 year old coke slut. I grabbed all the free shit I could and now have a kick-ass French Stella sign (the nice metal kind!) I gossiped with the house manager and tried to avoid this drunk actress that followed me around all night wanting to chat. I met the manager of Le Video and now have a free movie hook-up.

And all this for the low, low price of $5 to split a cab.

Now, if only $5 was enough to make my blistering hangover go away.

Thank You To the Girl in the Pajama Pants

Dear Girl in the White Pajama Pants Waiting For the Bus,

I just wanted to say thank you for telling off that asshole this morning. We, everyone at the bus stop, hate him too. We've just never had the balls to yell at him for being an asshole. And, hey, thanks for also picking up the garbage he had thrown on the ground - that was a classy move, my friend. I also like that you were reading erotica at 7:50 in the morning, hey no time like the present! I think I speak for everyone at the stop when I express my gratitude to you.

In conclusion, a bit of advice (between friends, you know....) I know you weren't actually wearing pajama pants, but they looked like pajama pants. And they were coupled with an entirely corporate-looking outfit. Which just wasn't working. Besides, the pants weren't flattering at all. I mean, come on, they looked like pajama pants. Not to mention, your ass is really too big to wear that cut. Trust me, mine is too. So, really, sweetie, just donate them to a good cause.

Thanks again,
Your Fellow Bus Rider

Job Watch 2005

Days since being fired: 6
Jobs applied to: 37
Interviews offers: 0
Job offers: 0
Terror level: yellow

Lyric of the Day:

"When I say break wide I mean take trips not just in your ride/
in your mind/
'cause when you left you're right on time/
the sun'll come out tomorrow and it'll set in the west/
so i don't sweat the rest/
who wanna inhale stress"

-Aceyalone/Keep It True

Damn, Gina...I Need A Job

At roughly 2:00pm yesterday an internal earthquake rocked my very core - holy shit, yo, my ass got fired! So, pretty much ever since then I have been freaking the fuck out. Jesus, I need to gets myself a job! I've been applying to pretty much everything off of Craigslist... something's gotta work out. I saw one job at a non-profit three blocks from my apartment that sounds really cool, it's actually at this place I've been thinking about volunteering at. Hey, maybe I'll be able to kill two birds with one stone and get paid to do something good.

It's kinda funny that I was at this same place a year ago: freaking out over a job. Well, maybe not funny-haha...more like funny-holyshit IamfreakingthefuckoutbecausemyassgotfiredandnowIneedanewjob reallyreallybadly. You know, absolutely fucking hilariously funny.

C'est la vie...

101 Hours Until It's The Weekend Again

Awesome weekend, had a lot of fun at Jesse's party (see Jesse, a shout out. Now you have filled your egomaniacal need to search blogs for your name...and you are free to go cry in the corner.) Unfortunately some of my co-workers were there and I totally dropped the f-bomb. I know everyone was wasted, but there's the fear that someone will say something to someone. *sigh* I don't even know why I'm still in fear of the mann...

Sunday was cool, I woke up early with a disgustingly high amount of energy. I called Court and she took TJ and me to Stinson Beach, which rocked. It was TJ's first time at the beach and she didn't like it as much as I thought she would. Sometimes I forgot that she's a tiny, pussy, prissy dog who doesn't play. So, she passed out on the sand while Court and I smoked and caught up. We stopped for burgers on the way back to town and it was late by the time I got home so I just gave TJ and myself baths (separately, I assure you) and passed out for the night.