Really, SF Kicks Baltimore's Ass

Oh, how time flies when you're not really doing much of anything. Cess is in town which is just about the coolest damn thing ever. We met up on Tuesday night and it was so good to see her. The best part? She hasn't changed at all! She's still wonderful Cess. I also got to see Tim, who she's staying with, which was also a lot of fun. I had forgot how much I like to hang with that kid. Funnily enough, he's moved back into the same building he and Cess used to live in. Dan and The Famous Ben King came down and I was very pleased Dan and Cess were able to meet. They had their Connecticut-off (Tim too, I didn't know that cat was from CT,) but after they had felt each other out they were cool with one another. I stayed out way too late and drank way too much for a work night, but how often is Cess in town? Totally worth it.

Other than that I've been swamped with life, but I don't really feel like I've been doing much. Work is an interesting situation...bossman sent the office manager to beg me to stay. I'm tempted and I don't really have many other offers...so let's see what the mann will lay down on the table.

TJ may be headed to a Korean restaurant soon...the little bitch ate my pair of good black heels. Like, it could be worse. They could have been my lime green suede ballet flats...or my pretty new silver shoes. But I'm still not thrilled about the money aspect of it and I also feel like this bodes poorly for the future. I did the whole yelling "NO NO!" at her while giving her a nose tap and hopefully that will do the trick (I like to think that, as I never get mad at her, when I do she pays attention to it. Wishful thinking...) but we'll see. As things stand now everything is hidden in the closet and I'm working on a way to secure that so she can't get in. What a little bitch. She's not looking so cute anymore.

So, boo Thursday. Thursday sucks. Luckily I get to see Cess again tonight, which is awesome because she's usually very busy when she's here and I don't get to see her nearly as much as I would like. But not this time! I'll hopefully also get to see Dan, 'cause my man is taking off for the weekend. I was a little bummed about that, but then I started thinking and now I'm kinda glad. It's probably a good thing to get away from each other and not think about one another for a couple days.

30 hours until the (LONG) weekend!

Grad School, Shmad School

So I've been thinking about grad school a lot lately. Mainly I think I just miss the good ole days of being in school with no responsibilities and being free, free, free. However, as lovely as that sounds, grad school is starting to freak me the fuck out. It's not really the work load, I have full confidence that once I get in somewhere I'll handle that shit fine...it's the getting in that is worrying me.

We all know my dream is to go to Stirling in Scotland. But as time goes on I get more and more worried about just getting in. And paying for it. And moving to a new country where I don't know anyone or anything. And getting TJ's ass over there. It's all very daunting, not to mention I haven't even started on my proposal yet. And I'm not even sure of what my thesis would be. I'm almost starting to think I should just look at American school because it's easy. But I feel like that's the pussy way out. And I would have to take the GREs, which I'm none too keen on.

I'm so conflicted and getting rather stressed on the whole thing. I'm totally starting to understand why people keep saying the longer you're out of school the harder it is to go back. Shit, I've only been out of school for a year and I'm already getting nervous. It's so easy to not go, but I can't imagine not going. I'm just really scared about the whole thing and I feel like there's no one to talk to, to get guidance from.

*sigh*

On a brighter note, Cess is coming in town today! Yay Cess! I can't wait to see her and have her meet TJ! It's going to be so good to have her here, even if she is only in town a very short while. Yay Cess!

It's Intern Season

I keep forgetting to write about our little interns, they're really the cutest little things. We just got a new batch of three of them: Matt, Suneet and John. Or, as we like to call them around the office: The Good One, The Stoner and The Fag. As his nickname would indicate, Matt is a great guy. He's sort of like a scared little rabbit who is desperately trying to gain acceptance from the clan. He works hard, strives to achieve and is generally a good guy. Granted, we need to get him to calm down a little and take a lunch break every now and then...but I really like Matt. He's my favorite. Then there's Suneet, who I'm liking more and more. That kid cracks me up. He's clearly so stoned so much of the time I don't see how he gets away with it. I mean, it's not like we're retarded innocent virgins holed up in Afghani caves guarded by Taliban sentries. We live in SF people...it's SO obvious. But he's nice and he's funny and he's actually not my problem, so I could care less. Then there's John. Oh, John. The Fag.

John started off on the wrong foot with me. Then kept going. I try to keep conversation to a minimum with him. Damn though, do I ever love shooting down that kid's big mouth. All the interns and a new hire started on the same day. Until I learned their names, I called them by number. John was Number Three. While the other three kids have grown on me, John has not. Which is why I still call him Number Three. And every time I call him that he says, "My name is John. Why don't you just call me John. You know my name!" Which I do and all, but what do I always tell him? "You'll get a name when you've earned one." Which is never really going to happen. Anyway, two funny stories about John. First off, we had a work happy hour last Friday. I booked it the very second I could, but I hear John got trashed and ended up spilling his drink on himself. Way to go, intern! And at your first company outing too! The other story? Perhaps he should have double-checked his outfit before leaving yesterday morning. His stylishly torn Diesel jeans allowed an escape route for his man fruit. Yeah, that's right, dude's balls were hanging out all day. And what did admin do? The right thing and pulled him aside and let him know? Oh, no. Not at all. We laughed all day. And why? Because we'll let you know your balls are hanging out when you've earned that kind of respect.

In other news, Jim is Captain Dickhead for throwing a hissy and not letting TJ come to work on Friday (aka Take Your Dog To Work Day.) What a dick. Dick.

Betting Pool

I've got $5 that Bin Ladin is hanging out in Iran.

Any takers?

Dreams Do Come True

What a great weekend - I went on my first *real* rollercoaster ever! So fucking exciting and, yes, Jesse is still my new best friend.

I started out the weekend cranky, not really sure why. I had to work a long day on Friday, but still. I think I was just PMSing. Anyway, I ended up hanging out with Rene, Dan and Dan's friend, The Famous Ben who is staying with him for the summer. We grabbed some food, some drinks. I was really happy to meet The Famous Ben though, after all I have heard so much about the guy. And, you know, he's "The Famous Ben" and all. However, he did insult my political leanings pretty quickly after meeting me. But he didn't know and I didn't want to make a thing out of it, so I'm letting it go.

I woke up at the crack of dawn on saturday to prepare for the day I have been waiting for all my life: my first *real* rollercoaster! I was so excited when I got to the park, it was crazy. Jesse had to keep reminding me "you can't fit an entire childhood into one afternoon," but damn if I didn't try! I started to think the rides might scare me (mainly because everyone kept asking "you've never been on a rollercoaster? Are you scared?") but it turns out they're just fun and not scary at all. Well, one of them scared the shit out of me, but it was only momentary. Other than that, the day was cool. Got a funnel cake, hung out, somehow didn't get sunburnt at all and somehow I did lose my sunglasses. I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before and maybe 4.5 the night before that, so I was pretty tuckered out by the time I got home. Dan and I were supposed to hang, but I went to cuddle with TJ "only for a minute" and the next thing I knew it was 9am.

Sunday was nice and quiet: just how I like them. I spent most of the day cleaning and then I had hoped to do Zeitgeist or at least hang out somewhere sunny with Dan, but he had to go to work. I walked TJ down to Geary though and we visited Dan and saw him in his dress up work clothes. He's pretty self-conscious about it, but he actually looks cute. Well, except for the tie. But everyone knows how I feel about ties.

So, that was pretty much my weekend. Too short as always, but it was one of the best I've ever had. Yay Great America! Yay Rollercoasters! Yay Jesse! And it just goes to show you, If you wait long enough, dreams do come true!

Here's to Zach...

We'll miss ya buddy!

That's My Girl!

So last night I got home a little late because I had swung by Rene's house first. When we got to my house we walked in and what was TJ doing? Watching the movie I had left in the VCR! Keep in mind that I turn off the TV when I leave the house, the little bitch had turned it back on AND started up the movie! How funny is that? She's SO my dog!

On another note, the movie was Beyond the Sea, the Bobby Darin biopic. Watching the movie made me think that the movie industry really needs to enact a rule that if a movie is a musical, that fact ought to be advertised in huge, bold, red letters across the front. WARNING: THIS MOVIE IS A MUSICAL. Is that so hard to do? Anyway, other than the musical nature of it, the movie was ok. Kevin Spacey played himself (when does he not? Except Kaiser Sose, of course.) I thought Kate Bosworth was just playing herself at the beginning, but I was quite impressed to see her transform into the older, bitter, drunk, pill popping Sandra Dee. I never thought I would believe this, but Kate Bosworth can act. I'm not really sure how the movie ends...I feel asleep. All in all, I give the movie 1.5 rock on hand signs. Or the written equivalent: s'ok.

Oh, Snap!

I'm telling you, I WILL bring it back.

Fuck Yeah!

After years and years of hoping and dreaming and praying and wishing on a star, finally it's happening. I am going on roller coasters! Yep, that's right, Jesse is taking me to Great America on Saturday. And you know what's better than going to Great America? Going to Great America for FREE! Fuck yeah! Right the fuck on! I don't have words to express how excited I am about this! This is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

Jesse is my new best friend.

(Which, you know, isn't as exciting as one would think considering you can buy my friendship cheaply and easily and best friends change with my whim. But still, you get the title and all. And it's a pretty prestigious group of individuals you become aligned with.)

File Under Wha?!?!?

So, yesterday the mann says to me "you've really been kicking ass lately. Maybe we should reconsider firing you." To which I replied the only thing that crossed my mind, "huh?" I mean, really though, you can't "take back" a firing. Two months later. When I've been going through interview hell. Really though, what the fuck?

Regardless...he's totally fucking with me. I mean, come on. I've been indefinitely fired haha just kidding. Wha?!?!? I just can't wait to be out of this place. This has been the most surreal job ever.

The Aftermath

So the birthday thing, you know, happened. I am now officially 23, but it really doesn't feel any different than 22. Mainly because I'm still a spring chicken and all, so who cares if I'm slightly older. In any case, I had an awesome time at my birthday party. It was tons of fun...well, what I remember from it was tons of fun. Luckily though, I was with friends and I didn't come home with any grievous injuries,* so nothing that bad could have happened. However, considering I was drinking gin and gatorade (don't ask - only Stephanie gets it) the fact I did NOT come home with any grievous injuries is pretty damn lucky.

I spent actual birthday mainly alone. I slept in late and then cuddled with TJ. We went and played in the park most of the day ("play" being a loosely defined term). I had a doctor's appointment that afternoon where I received the best news a girl can receive on her birthday - not pregnant! Not that I thought I was or anything, it's just always nice to get the official no, you know? After the doctor, Court and I grabbed dinner. Then Dan and Rene met up with us and we all grabbed drinks. Very nice all in all. Much better than I thought it would turn out.

Oh, and Dan's present that I was all scared of? It was actually really sweet. Of course, he failed to get me flowers (asshole!!! that's all I fucking wanted. THAT'S ALL) but, I guess like Jonathan says, "guys are really dumb. If you want us to do anything for you, you have to tell us exactly what you want and how you want it done. And where you want it from. And when you want to get it. And maybe write everything down and give us a map with detailed instructions."

Although, Jacqui makes a pretty fine point of her own with how she always says, "guys are fucking dumb. Don't they get it, flowers always equal pussy!"

Well. There you go. Take notes.


* hangover excluded

Fuck The World.

Really. That's all.

Quote of the Day

"Damn you females and your magical vaginas!"

Thanks, Jonathan

And Aren't You Glad I Was Born?!?

It dawns on me that I haven't mentioned my birthday is coming up. Well, kids, there are 4 shopping days left and, to simplify the task, here is a list of presents I would enjoy receiving:

1 . Tod's 2003 Spring keyhole moccasin flats in sunflower. The Swedish version, please.

2. Replicas of my favorite earrings in the whole world which I lost a couple of months ago (a moment of silence...) I would be happy to draw you a picture if you don't know what they look like.

3. A brown tea-cup poodle. It's cool, TJ knows she's a pity dog.

4. 12 strand, blended, Tahitian pearl necklace.

5. Vacuum. I just really need a new one.

6. A job. Seriously.

7. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

So, Dan has gotten me something for my birthday. I find myself first off struck by how sweet that is, I really wasn't expecting anything from him (except flowers...which *ahem* would still be awesome to receive.) I also find myself slightly terrified because he said it's something that will make me laugh and I shouldn't thank him for it until I see it. Also, he picked it out all on his own without help from Elyse or anyone. Considering my birthday party theme, Grits and Tits, I'm expecting some sort of trite sex toy or porn or something. However, Dan assures me it's clever, and he is a clever boy, so I'm hoping it will be something a little more imaginative than that. In any case, present = free shit.

And we all know free is my favorite adjective ever!

Focus Groups Are the New Black

Did another focus group last night and, man, do I ever love that shit. I'm convinced that focus groups are the greatest thing ever. In fact, if I could, I would probably be a professional focus group member. After all, I'm opinionated and love to speak my mind...wait AND you'll pay me for it?!?! Sign me up! Last night I did a focus group on some new medication coming out. They showed me some ads, I told them the ads sucked. Thirty minutes and $75 later, I was on my way.

Seriously, focus group money is some of the easiest money out there. And my favorite part is the people they have working for them. Focus group companies pay the majority of their employees slightly more than minimum wage and everyone knows what that means - they get slightly better than minimum wage quality work. The employees couldn't care less, they just want people signed up for their little group as soon as possible. So, they feed you the answers and they fix your record to make you eligible. A little fudging here, a little erasing there and voila! all of a sudden you're a perfect demographic fit for anything! Which works for me, keep 'em rollin in, baby!

I'm White! When Will I Learn?

Dammit! I'm so fucking white! When will I ever learn that people like me cannot sit in the sun for hours without turning purple. Damn me and my whiteness! Damn!

Bad News Bears

So, bad news kids...I didn't get the porn job.

I'm so frustrated by this whole job search. I'm either over qualified or not qualified enough for everything I apply to. And I keep going in to interviews with them saying "you're such a great candidate, you're at the top of our list" and then I never seems to get the job. I keep wondering what I'm doing wrong, because I must be doing something wrong. I just wish someone could sit me down objectively and explain it to me.

I'm a sad mac.

I really don't know what to do at this juncture. No, that's not true...I'm going to keep applying and keep interviewing until someone hires me. I guess. I mean, it's not like I really have a choice here or anything. I feel really stuck...and really fucked here. And I know that time is running out, but I don't really see very many options opening up for me. I just wish I could understand why I can't seem to get a job. What the fuck?

I'm a really sad mac right now.

What The Fuck Is Wrong With People?

It's like this horrible trend of psychos all of a sudden:

Example 1

Example 2

Example 3

C'mon people, can't we all get along and not torture and kill innocents? Shit, yo...

Noun-Turned-Verb Phrase of the Day

Entry: jim

Pronuniciation: 'jim

Definition: to embody one, many or all of the following characteristics
• constantly gives fillibuster speeches
• adds unnecessary steps and details to everything
• slacks on one's own work, while passing it off on other people
• to be up on other's jocks to cover your slackass
• not answering the phone
• creating superfluous work for yourself and others while ignoring the task at hand
• take advantage of someone by using them to accomplish a task designated for the agent.
• not allowing you to bring in your doggie because she might "encroach on [his] space"

Example: "stop jimming your clients on me, I have my own goddamn work to do"

San Francisco Kicks Baltimore's Ass!

Yay! I spoke with Ces last night!

As everyone knows, Ces is just about my favorite person in the whole wide world. We've been trying to talk more often, but we still only speak every month or so (ahhh, growing up...) Regardless, it was awesome talking to her because I really wanted her opinion on the whole porn thing. Ces is, after all, my voice of reason. I sort of thought she might be down on the porn job, but she was mostly positive (that's why I love her advice - she lays shit out on the table as facts and let's me decide after that.) Anyway, it was great to hear from her and she's even coming out here soon! Yay! The best part, she's looking at west coast grad school. And why? 'Cause everyone knows that San Francisco kicks Baltimore's ass! I would totally talk some more east coast shit at this juncture...but Ces is from the east coast so I guess, out of respect, I'll lay off for now.

In other news, I've been jamming Alice in Chains and Stone Temple Pilots a lot lately. Now, I know what you're thinking, "she's currently going through an angry phase." Actually, I'm not. For some reason though, I've just been feeling the angry music. Well, like Scotty boy says, "you shouldn't have worn that dress." Sorry...random...