Sad Times For McBaker

I know everyone has been waiting with baited breath to find out how my "Dragstravaganza Christmas in January" party went on Friday. Hmmm....what's the word I'm looking for....anticlimactic? No drunken antics (ok, I was shitty drunk and as Dan reports, "loud and somewhat obnoxious,") no dragstavaganza. Not much to report, actually. Some food, pizza and the like. Lotsa mingling. No booze allowed (except for that which I had already consumed and that which I snuck in -- Steph! Thanks for the flasks!) It was, well, honestly, kinda lame. And I only say that because it made my company's annual lameass non-denominational holiday gathering look cool. But I digress.

I live in a little apartment building on one of the most famous intersections in my neighborhood: McBaker. Everyone knows my corner for one of 5 reasons: either the coffee shop, the cafe, the infamous McBaker liquor store, the drycleaners or the Fulton 5 bus stop. I live in the corner building above the drycleaners. My building is comprised of three floors: the drycleaners on the first floor (and scary Earl who lives in a shack attached to the building which is located in the alley,) two vacant apartments on the second floor and the lord and lady of the manor (my neighbor James and me) in the two apartments on the top floor.

I came home on Monday to construction on the second floor of my building. I've been nervous about this for some time. That's because there has been a rumor floating around the hood that Michael was going to be doing construction on the middle floor, combining the apartments and either sell it as a condo or move in himself. And there is almost no fate worse than your landlord living in the same building as you.

The other rumor floating around about my building is the drycleaners lost their lease and Michael refuses to renew it. Rumor hath he plans to rip out the drycleaners and turn it into a real estate office for himself. Well, color me surprised when I came home last night to the inside of the drycleaners totally demolished and the family who ran it (yeah, it's a small, family owned business. And by small I mean mom, dad and grown up son,) clearing out the rest of their possessions.

I don't really believe in drycleaning. I mean, didn't humans beat silk and wool against rocks in streams to clean the fabric for centuries? I also don't believe in drycleaning because it doesn't actually clean your clothes and it's expensive. So I never went to the drycleaner. But they opened at the same time I walk TJ in the morning and they closed at the same time I walk TJ at night and we always said hi and I always stopped to let the little old lady pet TJ for a minute. Anyway, I got off the bus and saw the carnage and knew this was probably my last time seeing them, so I stopped by to say hi.

As soon as I walked in the old lady ran over and hugged me and said how she really wanted to say goodbye to me, but wasn't sure what my apartment number was. I wished her good luck and she explained the family circumstances (the dad is too old to work and needs to retire, the mom will continue working to support the family, the son doesn't know what he's going to do) and started to cry, while still hugging me. I didn't really know what to do, what to do you say when someone's livelihood is taken away from them with no fall back when they're a senior citizen? So I just told her it was going to be a good move and something would happen and something would work out and the son agreed...but none of us looked all that sure of ourselves. So I wished them good luck and let them know I will miss them and also how upset the whole neighborhood is. Then I left, because at that point there really wasn't anymore to say.

So I don't really know what's going on with my corner. Funny as it sounds, so many people have lived in that neighborhood and ride the 5 that people know my exact apartment building when I say I live at "McBaker above Fairway Cleaners." Clearly, big changes are in store for my building, my corner, my neighborhood. It makes me sad. But change is life and all of those bullshit platitudes. Stay tuned to see what happens.

Christmas in January?

So my legion of faithful fans (Jesse) have urged me to update my blog. This is all I've got.

Tonight is Dan's work holiday party. Now I have one question for you: What fucking kind of holiday party is held at the end of January and starts at midnight? Shady ass shit, for sure. In any case, I'm pretty excited for it for one reason, two words:

Peaches Christ

Yes, that's right, Peaches Christ, world renowned drag queen extraordinaire, is Dan's boss. Now, don't get me wrong, when he's at work he's his alterego Joshua and he's not all dressed up or anything. But the fact that I'm meeting the man behind the makeup is almost more exciting. And I think it's completely hilarious that Joshua is excited to meet me (apparently a lot of Dan's friends think I'm his imaginary girlfriend, just like a lot of my friends think he's my imaginary boyfriend. We should really work on that one of these days.)

I've met Peaches on so many occasions it's almost hard to picture him not Peaches. I also keep wondering what Joshua is like. I'm betting on super, super gay. A friend who has met him told me he's also really bitchy. Which, considering Peaches' persona, isn't all that shocking. I hope he's well dressed and funny.

Anyway, I'm also trying to figure out what a holiday party that starts at midnight (and, you know, isn't during the holidays) will be like. It's bound to be interesting. And I'm placing bets on drunken madness. I'm also under the impression it will be held at The Bridge...so I'm hoping we get to run around the theatre with complete abandon. That would be fun.

In the end, I'm just hoping for stories to share. I've been so boring lately, it would be nice to have something a little spicy.

Finally, I'd like to close with a word to the wise for the boys. A pickup line that is never going to work:

"Girl, you even make picking up dog shit look good."

Same Shit, Different Day

I've thought this through long and hard. And, really, there is just nothing going on in my life right now. I don't even really have any humorous SF stories, although did I mention about when I went to wash laundry last week and some homeless guy was drawing on the laundromat floor with his own shit? Well...I guess that story pretty much tells itself.

Things are still progressing with the company I'm interviewing with. What did I call it on here earlier? Oh right, Noodle. That's it. Yes, I've moved into the final review stages with them and we'll see how that goes. Hopefully well (cross your fingers!) For the review process I had to write a biography about me and my accomplishments, interests, accolades, etc. So I spent last weekend writing that up and I honestly never thought I would feel so depressed looking at my list of life "accomplishments" (heavy emphasis on the quotation marks.) I guess that just motivates me to finally do something with my life, but that is so much easier said than done. Anyway, all I really care about right now is that the list is good enough for Noodle.

Maybe something exciting will happen to me tonight. But I wouldn't plan on it.

Happy New Year!

So Christmas happened, which went remarkably well. It was the first time I've ever been able to describe it as "short, busy, but very very good." New Years has also passed, for which everyone I know seems exorbitantly glad. 2005 was such a shitty year for so, so many reasons. So now the holidays are over and normal life has once again regained its Groundhog's Day like existence.

On the job front things are...well, they could be better, but they could be a lot worse. I'm still in talks with the online company, which I'll call...um...hmmm...Noodle for reasons of anonymity (like, say, they *might* possibly own this very website organization...) I had round 8 (yeah, that's right, count 'em on up - EIGHT) of interviews on Wednesday. They told me I would hear by yesterday, which clearly means I won't hear until Tuesday or so. I also interviewed with a pharmaceutical company last night, I'm not all that into them except the pay so damn well and the hours are 9-5. Yeah, that's right 9-5...the American dream!

Friends are the same, Dan is good. I think it's funny that whenever I go a long time without talking to someone their response is always "wait, you're still together? I was sure you'd be single again by now!" Nope, still off the market and Dan is in my extremely good graces after surprising me with flowers last night.

In other news, that is not a life update, check this story:

Performance Artist, 76, Arrested After Attacking Porcelain Urinal With Hammer

PARIS (AP) — A 76-year-old performance artist was arrested after attacking Marcel Duchamp's "Fountain" — a porcelain urinal — with a hammer, police said.

Duchamp's 1917 piece — an ordinary white, porcelain urinal that's been called one of the most influential works of modern art — was slightly chipped in the attack at the Pompidou Center in Paris, the museum said Thursday. It was removed from the exhibit for repair.

The suspect, a Provence resident whose identity was not released, already vandalized the work in 1993 — urinating into the piece when it was on display in Nimes, in southern France, police said.

During questioning, the man claimed his hammer attack on Wednesday was a work of performance art that might have pleased Dada artists. The early 20th-century avant-garde movement was the focus of the exhibit that ends Monday, police said.

2004 poll of 500 arts figures ranked "Fountain" as the most influential work of modern art — ahead of Pablo Picasso's "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon," Andy Warhol's screen prints of Marilyn Monroe and "Guernica," Picasso's depiction of war's devastation.

"Fountain" is estimated at $3.6 million.



Ok, so what makes me laugh about this story is remembering this one time Rene and I were at SFMOMA. They had "The Fountain" on display and yes, I know it's a great work of art and it's revolutionary and very valuable and all that...but at the same time, come the fuck on! It's a fucking urinal! So anyway, Rene and I wanted to touch it and we looked around and there was no sign saying "Don't Touch." Now, I have a very firm philosophy on touching things at museums. If you are not to touch it, there is a sign next to the piece that says "Don't Touch." By the fact that some things have signs that say "Do Not Touch" and some things don't have the signs, I think it's pretty well delineated BY THE MUSEUM that some things are touchable and some things aren't. Not touchable things include any that have a sign instructing not to, anything behind glass, anything in a case, or anything behind ropes. Touchable things include anything else.

So anyway, "The Fountain" is sitting right in the middle of the room on a pedestal. There are no signs, no ropes, no glass, no nada. And, I mean really, it's a fucking urinal. Were it not signed, people would have pissed on it and worse. So we touch it and this security guard runs over to us and yells "Don't touch that!!!" And then proceeds to follow us around (keeping a max distance of about 5 feet) the entire time we're in the museum to make sure we don't touch anything else.

All I'm saying is, maybe this wouldn't have happened if there had been a sign - 'cause maybe the museum sort of brought it on itself.

But I'm glad I saw it when I did.