Ass v. Balls

I intended to hold the polls open for a good week or so, but the email votes have stopped rolling in so I figure we can now, finally, tabulate the results.

And with a landslide we have.....balls! The final score was Ass - 2, Balls - 6. One person also did the write in option of shit.

So there you go, sucks balls is way better than ass or shit.

And, furthermore, I'm right once again.

Existential Crisis Averted?

Quote of the day from Tommy in I Heart Huckabees:

"I'm just gonna accept my loneliness! And I'm gonna go to an even darker place of nothingness! From an even farther, more extreme nothingness on my own!"


OK. Maybe it's one of those things where you really had to be there.

Where We At?

Survived Thanksgiving, survived TJ's first anniversary, survived the weekend, (barely) survived Monday at work.

*sigh*

I've been so damn down and in such a shitty mood since last Monday. I don't really want to get into details (and by that I clearly mean "I would love to dish details, but the details relate to someone who I know reads this site and wouldn't be very happy about his/her personal details being aired on my stupidass blog.") but suffice it to say, my professional life was totally put into perspective and I realized just how badly said professional life sucks total balls.

[Side note: I've decided I prefer the phrase "sucks balls" to "sucks ass," not just for the way it softly lilts off one's tongue but also because sucking balls is an actual, if repulsive, action...whereas I've heard of a lot of things being done to one's ass, but never it being sucked per se. I guess the closest equivalent would be "licks ass," but that isn't really parallal. Anyone have feelings on this issue?]

But on the other hand, what can I do? I'm very trapped in a prison of essentially my own making.

Much as I would love to continue this diatribe, I want to leave work more. So, until tomorrow.

[Side note:'Tis a pity that I spent the majority of time writing this musing over the differences between sucking ass and sucking balls....]

A Quiet Moment of Reflection

So, in my continued efforts to try to think less about myself and more about others (hey - all you hecklers can just shut the fuck up,) I'd like to make a list of things I'm thankful for this year.

1. My family. The only people who have been there my whole life and who love me through think and thin, no matter what stunts I pull, no matter how much I'm acting like a bitch and no matter how distant I am. I loves me mum and sisters more than even I know.

2. TJ. Oh, TJ. The cause of and solution to so many of life's little problems. I am especially grateful for TJ this Thanksgiving because it's our very first anniversary!

3. My friends. Oh my god, what would I do without my friends. I love that my greatest friend related problem is not having enough time to spend with all the people I love so much. I have the greatest friends in the world and, living far from family, you guys are what gets me up in the morning and keeps me going throughout the day.

4. My job. I enjoy being able to pay rent. And the iPod Nano was kickass. Everything else...well...in this job market you really ought not complain if you have a job...

5. San Francisco. I fell in love with it when I was a small child and hadn't even visited it yet. The first day I stepped foot on the SF soil I knew it would be my home. Everyday I love this city a little more and remember less that the rest of the world exists.

6. My neighbors/neighborhood. Damn you bitches crazy, damn you bitches great.

7. My education. I've paid enough for the goddamn book learning, might as well be appreciative of the smarts I bought me.

8. My health. This has been my healthiest year yet and I never understood how great health is, or how sick I've been until this year. I even used one of my sick days as a ditch day! Yay health!

9. Super Mario Party 7, MUNI and the driver who lets me on when I forget my pass and my bus buddies, the old lady who asked me if I wanted a ride home because I had so many groceries, the chef at the Kezar pub, alcohol, alcohol, alcohol, happy hours, Craigslist, 70 degree weather in November, flip flops, jewelry, www.perezhilton.com, being smart enough to know better, being too young to care, love, Golden Gate Park, having full use of my senses and limbs, Stephen Colbert, Social Distortion, little Toan who I look for every day, puppies and kittens and dogs and cats, the kindness of strangers, laughing and laughing and laughing, snuggling in bed, pink nail polish, diet Coke, coffee from Philz, America (yes, people, America,) paid holidays, the intensely wonderful feeling you get when you realize this is life...and all those little things which would take me forever to name but are precisely what makes life so intensely wonderful.

Tuesday, 3pm

It always amuses me to no end whenever someone says "you should read/listen to/watch/go to book/song/movie/place. You'll love it!" It always amuses me, because 9 times out of 10 the person is dead wrong. Like recently, when a friend gave me a CD of Mexican rap music. I fucking hate Mexican rap music. Not sure why the people close to me are so often misguided about my tastes, but it happens quite a bit.

Surprisingly enough, I've had 2 friends recently recommend the same book to me, Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, with them describing it the same way, "you're going to LOVE it! It's SO YOU! I could imagine you writing it!" And you know what? It's a damn fine read.

The last 18 months of my life seems to have progressed rather cyclically. I oscillate between being so happy and joyous about my life and wondering where I've gone wrong and why everyone else is doing so much better than I am. I guess I'm truly caught in the middle of that, half of me really being grateful for everything and have of me wanting more, better, bolder etc. Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs reminds me of that. Reading it, I love it and it reminds me of my writing. So why aren't I doing that? Why am I not pursuing that. Well...for a lot of reasons I guess. It's a hard crevice to be in - stuck between the rocks of accomplishment and goals. Life looks good until you start looking at everything else you want to do, can do, need to do, have to do, will do. Will be.

This is not to say I'm not happy for others - I am. I never understand when people treat life as a zero-sum game. We can all be winners and we can all be losers. But my score really isn't effected by, nor does it effect, yours. I'm very happy for those around me, those who I know and those who I read about, doing well. I just wish that I had more control to do more in my own life.

Am I just denying my own potential to alter the course of my life? Probably yes and no. It's one of those really hard things to track. All I know is it's sort of a weird place to be in right now. In terms of fractions, I think I'm at, like, 3/5 of life right now. It just depresses me some times when I start to wonder if I'll ever be a whole number.

iPod Good

Many things are awesome. Like this little gem right here:

You may laugh, but we don’t recall ever meeting a journalist who didn’t carry a mini glitter gel pen. And trust us: If Matthew Cooper hadn’t known how to use his confetti flowers, he’d be no better off than Judy Miller.

Learn to be a journalist [Flickr via Gothamist]

But you know what's better than that? The fact that bossman apparently went crazy yesterday and gave EVERYONE on staff an iPod. Everyone! On! Staff! Was! Given! An! iPod! Nano! And I gotta tell you, that's not just awesome -- it's iPod Nano good!

I have put up with an enormous amount of bullshit in the last year. Now, call me cheap...but about 75% of that bullshit has totally been forgiven with the gift of my iPod. One word ladies and gentlemen, one word:

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!

I'm Alive!

Man, it's been a long time since I've written on here. It's been so long since I've written on here that my browser doesn't even populate the URL anymore. And, good lord, I clearly need to get out of the tech biz.

So nothing has really been going on in my life lately. Same shit, different day. Work has been slammed lately. Today was the first time in forever we had a full admin staff. I never thought I'd say I was happy to have Jim around. So work sucks and all that, but I made the bold move of kinda quitting the other day. Let's be clear here, I kinda quit which is like when I kinda got fired -- you still show up at work the next day. I simply gave them the heads up that I am looking for another position because they always say they want us to give them the heads up. So, heads up! It came right on the tail ends of someone quitting and right before someone got fired, so clearly my timing on such things is improving.

Halloween was last night and, surprisingly enough, I have no grievous injuries to report. I went as my friend's boyfriend Ben. It was an interesting costume. I went to a party where about 7 people knew Ben and about 50 people didn't. Of course Ben flaked on the party. So, for the 7 people who knew him it was the funniest costume ever (ok, let me give you the picture. He's a whitebread, cheese-fed, phish head. With mad love for the Packers. And loud and obnoxious. Trust me, the costume was really funny.) And for everyone else at the party it was sort of "no, no, really I get it. It's funny. You're one of your friends. Hilarious." (You're imagining all that said in a dead pan voice, right?) In any case, I brought TJ to the party and she was the belle of the ball. She went as Captain Retardo, her superhero alterego. It was really cute. She had a little cape and everything. I barely drank and went to bed early - but it paid off. Like I said, no grievous injuries which is certainly better than I've fared the last several years.

Friends remain good. Except for the aren't. I'm beginning to feel like Typhoid Mary - all my friends are dealing with trauma and tragedy and I'm calm in the midst of it all. I don't want to mention any particular circumstances, I'm trying to not call anyone out, but let's just say my buddies need a lot of love right now.

Dan is still hanging around and we are also still good. The honeymoon is definitely coming to an end and we are beginning to do the compromising and work it takes to maintain a real relationship. Which is scary as fuck for me. But we all know I'm crazy about the guy, so it's well worth it.

I've been really into my future lately (I think because it's a good antidote for the present.) I've been studying and preparing for the SATs and reading more scholarly books. I've also come to the realization that I either need to get television, publishing or advertising experience before grad school. Hence, my kinda quitting at work.

So that's been my life lately. How about you?